“The Onion,” Pro-Life?

Juno_ProtesterWhat is this world coming to when The Onion can mock the abortion industry without any seeming embarrassment or concern? That’s just what they did in one of their faux news stories, “Planned Parenthood Opens $8 Billion Abortionplex.” A mall dedicated to abortion! It’s really kind of astonishing when you think about it. The Onion’s is a reliably liberal take on the world, although I don’t doubt that they are equal opportunity offenders.

In one way the piece can be read to be mocking what The Onionthinks abortion opponents think about abortion, and if that was the motivator, they failed miserably. What they succeeded in doing was showing how horrific it is to kill unborn human beings for convenience. You can read this possible ambivalence in the first three paragraphs:

TOPEKA, KS—Planned Parenthood announced Tuesday the grand opening of its long-planned $8 billion Abortionplex, a sprawling abortion facility that will allow the organization to terminate unborn lives with an efficiency never before thought possible.

During a press conference, Planned Parenthood president Cecile Richards told reporters that the new state-of-the-art fetus-killing facility located in the nation’s heartland offers quick, easy, in-and-out abortions to all women, and represents a bold reinvention of the group’s long-standing mission and values.

“Although we’ve traditionally dedicated 97 percent of our resources to other important services such as contraception distribution, cancer screening, and STD testing, this new complex allows us to devote our full attention to what has always been our true passion: abortion,” said Richards, standing under a banner emblazoned with Planned Parenthood’s new slogan, “No Life Is Sacred.” “And since Congress voted to retain our federal funding, it’s going to be that much easier for us to maximize the number of tiny, beating hearts we stop every day.”

Get it? Abortion has never been Planned Parenthood’s “passion,” since they only ever dedicated three percent of their resources to it. But every other paragraph in the piece is merciless, and funny in a macabre way; you may laugh, but feel guilty for doing so realizing over 50 millions lives have been snuffed out since the Supreme Court said killing babies in the womb was a Constitutional right. The piece certainly appears to be mocking cheap, easy abortion at the least.

An example:

“The Abortionplex’s high-tech machinery is capable of terminating one pregnancy every three seconds,” Richards added. “That’s almost a million abortions every month. We’re so thrilled!”

The 900,000-square-foot facility has more than 2,000 rooms dedicated to the abortion procedure. The abundance of surgical space, Richards said, will ensure that women visiting the facility can be quickly fitted into stirrups without pausing to second-guess their decision or consider alternatives such as adoption. Hundreds of on-site counselors are also available to meet with clients free of charge and go over the many ways that carrying a child to term will burden them and very likely ruin their lives.

Read it all; it’s brutal.

It’s hard to remember back to the 70s and 80s when abortion was defended as a positive good by feminists and their liberal allies. That was before technology showed that even the earliest abortion kills a human being, with fingernails, in the famous scene from the movie Juno. Americans could then be forgiven, a little, for thinking a fetus is just a clump of cells. That is clearly no longer the case, and why more Americans are self-identifying as pro-life rather than pro-choice.

While abortion is still legal in America, a profound number of restrictions have been legislated that restrict the practice in states all over America, which gives conservative hope that the culture wars will not always go in the progressive’s direction. Reality is a stubborn thing, and we can no more break God’s moral laws with impunity than we can break his physical laws. Marriage, to pick just one example, is no more gender neutral than marriage is a tree. Reality cannot be redefined by lawyers in robes, and I am convinced most Americans know that deep down in their hearts.